How this one things dictates your feelings, and not gonna lie, this one is kind of a bummer. Why is that? Because it is putting you as the completely responsible party for everything going on in your mind. It seems that your feelings would be the one dictating your thoughts. Well, I feel sad because someone said they didn’t like something I did. No. You feel sad because of the thoughts you are having about the thing that someone said to you.
I know it can feel backwards and you’re thinking, how is it that this one thing dictates my feelings? But by managing your mind and your thoughts, you will in turn manage your emotions. Dare I say that you don’t have to feel a way that you don’t want to feel. I am not saying to avoid your emotions or that you’ll never have hurt feelings or be sad again. No, you’re human. Of course you will feel and think all of these things. But the way that you experience it is in your control.
The feeling of being sad or hurt or angry are all valid feelings, and you don’t need permission to feel them. The intensity and the duration that you feel these emotions is entirely up to you, though. No matter how shitty the thing that was said to you or happened to you was, you are not subject to feel any way about it, that you don’t want to feel. Not feeling your emotions at all is not the equivalent to this. Trust me, I did this for a long time and it got me exactly nowhere, except more fucked up about my feelings.
When we feel that emotion coming up, acknowledge it. Feel it in your body. Can you pinpoint where it’s coming from? What part of you is feeling insecure about what was said or done to you? Was it true? Is it a reflection of who you really are? If the evidence isn’t there to support it, recognize that the feelings you have about it, are the feelings you are giving power to.
So then, what if the thing someone said to you is true? And now you have all kinds of hurt feelings, embarrassment, and whatever else you want to name it. The same still holds true, really. Even if it is true, you do not have to give power to the emotions about it. You don’t have to feel angry or embarrassed, you can simply choose to know that, hey, maybe I did fuck up. Maybe I did make this mistake or do the wrong thing. But ultimately, what does feeling angry about it do?
Probably does nothing but cause you more stress and avoidance about the feelings surrounding it. No good my friend. We cannot grow from that. Insecurity breeds more insecurity. So then, what? We circle back to what we already know. Acknowledging the thoughts about our feelings, finding the truth (or non truth about them), and knowing that ultimately, you are the only one who has the power to make your feelings valid.
What an amazing feeling to know that you can release the thought that someone else has that much power over you. And now we know how this one thing, our emotions, dictates our feelings. Tell me, has there been a time where you have let an outside circumstance dictate your thoughts and emotions?