There’s this major thing that I struggled with for a long time. Losing myself in what I think other people want me to be. This is why you should stop trying to fit in. From a young age all I ever wanted was to fit in. I would act and be and feel like what I thought those around me wanted. That eventually leads to a really confusing inner dialogue. If you’re always trying to please those around, or letting their words dictate your actions and thoughts, then how are you to ever know who you really are? The short answer is, you don’t.
This leads to a lot of emotional struggle as well. In you heart and gut you know you feel one way, but the words of another may be telling you to feel a different way. That dissonance is so extremely uncomfortable. And not the good kind of uncomfortable that is helping you to grow. The kind of uncomfortable that helps you to form unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms.
What is a way that this might manifest itself, you ask? Hiding behind food, depression, forming addictions to drugs or alcohol, the list goes on my friend. Living in a way that does not reflect who you truly are, in a life that feels like it isn’t yours, is so emotionally damaging. But getting back to you and your truth is so worth clawing your way back to it. Without it we are no one, just another face in the crowd. How sad for the people in your world to never know the real you. This is why you should stop trying to fit in. Please please do not deprive the world of you. No matter how big or small, you have something to contribute to this world.
One of my first reactions when a sliver of my truth would sneak out and someone didn’t react to it in a positive way, was to recoil and get defensive. I would say haha yeah just kidding, that’s not me. The rejection hurt. The inner me was so emotionally broken that it could not handle people leaving my life because I didn’t fit into their world. The funny thing is, it hurt just as much to stay in a life playing a version of myself, as it did to be rejected. But the insecurity of having no one outweighed the pain of not being me.
My hope is that by sharing my experiences, it will help you reach the conclusion that, the insecurity of having no one is far more worth it than the pain of living as someone else’s idea of you just so you can feel accepted, sooner than I did.
Ultimately it boils down to this. You do not owe anyone an explanation in order to be who you feel you are. Your choices are your own, and when you feel in your gut that it is what you want and its the right thing for you, don’t you dare let anyone else’s insecurities influence who you are going to be. I know, it’s easier said than done. I get it.
But let your first step be acknowledging this to yourself. That you deserve to live your life the way you want. To go after your dreams and have ambitions and fail along the way. You don’t need anyone else’s permission but your own. Promise.
Tell me, do you find yourself struggling to tell others your decisions, or feel like yourself because you’ve become lost in a different version of yourself? Lets chat about it. Comment below or shoot me an email.