She stood in the hallway, a mile from her bedroom but too close to run. She was brave for a moment, and it had cost her. Sharp words followed by something, what was it? It came fast and unexpected, hitting her face, the pages leaving cuts, the feeling embedded in her soul. She’d come to know that part of her all too well. Her hair was messy and that made her face run hot. Her hands flitted to her hair, in desperation to smooth it down. Not a hair out of place. She picked the book up and walked to her room, her spirit limping behind her. Did she cry? I can’t remember but her cheeks stung from the tiny cuts no one could see. I’m so sorry, sweet girl, that I couldn’t save you. I was quiet when you needed me present. I left our body and made you stay, taking the punishment for the both of us. Thank you, and I hate you. The quiet resentment was so loud it rang in her ears for so many years. So many years that she couldn’t even remember who she started out as. What she started out as. Now who was it up to? How dare you break me then expect me to grow up as if you didn’t. My spirit screams silently as my soul wanders aimlessly. I’m so desperate to know me, I’ll let anyone tell me who to be. 

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That is the original writing I did, and below is the final poem. Its really wild to me, all of these little things that start as a grain of salt, seemingly inconsequential. But it becomes important, creating divides and annoyances that might not have been there other wise. Over time, acceptance and healing put a layer over the grain of salt. Each new layer making it smoother, becoming more bearable. One day its so smooth its not irritating at all, just, there. One day, at the end, you'll have quite the string of pearls to tell your friends about.

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This poem is set to Taylor Swift's "How Did It End" from The Tortured Poets Department album.

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"She dies in the end"

She stood alone in the hallway,

She was brave but it would cost her just like always.

I don't know how,

I can do this again,

Her spirit limping as she rescinds,

The tears that are forming, as she comprehends,

How her soul,

Dies in the end.

Her cheeks were stinging from all of the glances,

But she couldn't disrupt the fine checks and balances,

And kept developing so many callouses,

Never learned to get past all of the challenges.

Always felt I had to regale them,

So I could bare all their punishment,

Then alone in relentless resentment.

How dare you use me as a prop,

Then pretending that its not a plot,

To make me the girl that you truly sought.

Lets see how her soul,

Dies in the end.

On a bended knee and pleading,

As your mood was always fleeting,

Violence keeps your soul from feeling,

An aberration of my healing,

Forcing me to keep believing,

My unlovable soul and me,

Hiding in a thief,

C-R-Y-I-N-G.

I can't do this again.

Her soul dies in the end.

I can't defend how you made it rend,

My soul in the end.

I don't know how,

I can do this again,

Her spirit limping as she rescinds,

The tears that are forming,

As she comprehends.

Now she can see how,

Her soul died in the end.

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Hope you liked it and if not, as always, fuck you. Ok byyyeeeeeee.

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